During my undergraduate years, I convinced myself that brutal honesty was the best way to live. I thought saying exactly what I believed, without filtering or softening, made me authentic and courageous. To me, sugarcoating felt dishonest, and I wanted to be someone who always “told it like it is.”
Now, at 26, I find myself reflecting differently. The word brutal stands out to me more than it used to. Brutality implies force, harshness, and even a disregard for the other person. And when I look back, I realize that wasn’t really what I wanted to practice. What I valued was the truth, but truth doesn’t have to be brutal.
I still believe honesty is deeply important. It’s the foundation of trust, self-respect, and real connection. Without honesty, relationships become shallow, and growth becomes difficult. But I’ve learned that honesty, when shared without care, can land in ways that shut people down rather than open them up. Truth alone isn’t enough; how we share it matters just as much.
Over time, I’ve shifted toward what I now think of as “compassionate honesty”, speaking the truth with clarity, but also with empathy, so it can be received and reflected on. That doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations. It means approaching them with compassion, remembering that honesty isn’t only about expressing myself, but also about creating space where growth and understanding are possible.
Looking back, that phase of brutal honesty taught me to value truth and to have the courage to speak it. But today, I believe honesty becomes most powerful when paired with kindness. The world doesn’t need more “brutal” truths. It needs honesty that builds trust, nurtures connection, and helps us grow.
Until next time, keep honesty kind!